good fucking luck

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didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

didihearthereadyset:

I have a really hot waiter.

Guys he came back with my food and said, “Careful the plate is hot too.” So I asked, “too?” and hE TOUCHED MY SHOULDER THEN MADE A SIZZLING NOISE.
IM FREAKING OUT WHAT DO I DO.

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wanna know what these all say?

"suck his dick"

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: racingbarakarts

tastefullyoffensive:

Pictogrammar [wronghands]

tastefullyoffensive:

Pictogrammar [wronghands]

(via ruinedchildhood)

Source: tastefullyoffensive

versaceslut:

abeardedboy:

they don’t all fit in the washroom at the same time anymore.73 toys, and i forgot to put in my 2 metal hooks so technically i have 75

versaceslut:

abeardedboy:

they don’t all fit in the washroom at the same time anymore.

73 toys, and i forgot to put in my 2 metal hooks so technically i have 75

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Source: abeardedboy

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foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: falstafff

cubstearns:

amuseoffyre:

chrisgildart:

I remember watching the behind the scenes on this show. The creator of the show said that they got so much fan mail saying this show was the most realistic hospital show.

My parents both worked in the medical profession my whole life, and when I was watching them come home, I could see echoes of what this show did. All other medical shows were so much about the drama. This one nailed it. It nailed the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Also, I read that Scrubs was more medically accurate than House, Grey’s Anatomy, and every other medical show on TV

(via mkzmerryfriend)

Source: dohnjorian

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smilekiditgetsbetter:

HELLO. IF YOU’RE READING THIS YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY PROMISING NOT TO HURT YOURSELF TODAY. NO TAKE BACKS.

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: smilekiditgetsbetter

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ivies:

today I went to olive garden and there was a man wearing a fedora behind me and my mother whispered to me “why is that man wearing a hat we are indoors I don’t understand” and he whipped around with all seriousness and said “twilight sparkle came to me in a dream and requested that I wear this crown for the duration of the evening” and me, not knowing what to do just said “ok” but then the guy started laughing and he was like “I’m just kidding I just like hats”

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: ivies

johnlockedness:

sherxjohn:

i don’t know if i should laugh or cry

Both

johnlockedness:

sherxjohn:

i don’t know if i should laugh or cry

Both

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: sherxjohn

cumberbatch-o-cookies:

drugmember:

this post is literally just straight people patting themselves on the back

Straight people can support gay rights. You degrading straight people for supporting gay rights is not in any way okay. Shut your face.

cumberbatch-o-cookies:

drugmember:

this post is literally just straight people patting themselves on the back

Straight people can support gay rights. You degrading straight people for supporting gay rights is not in any way okay. Shut your face.

(via mkzmerryfriend)

Source: cavebae

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impersonatr:

100timesrick-and-mortydotcom:

100timesrick-and-mortydotcom:

I FORGOT I HAD THIS KINDER EGG

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I’M AMERICAN AND LOOK AT THIS CHOCOLATE MIRACLE

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AND NOW THE SURPRISE, SHIT

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LOOK

AT

THIS

TINY

CAR

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I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS PRODUCT IS BANNED HERE, YOU SCREWED UP BIG TIME AMERICA

just once. just one day. please make the notes stop.

Nope.

(via your-average-homestuck)

Source: 100timesrick-and-mortydotcom